The Voice

The proof of love is showing genuine interest in what interests your lover. Help him love it and join him to love it. Loving it just the way she loves it, is the cheapest way to her heart. Don't be disinterested in what interests your partner.  There is no one who truly care about what you care for, that won't be dear to you. Just like, we naturally like people who sames resemblance with us, shares our hobbies, bears same name with us, come from our state, even a stranger who knows and calls us by your first name. Even God is not an exception of this relationship block and booster. Friendship with the world is enemity with God. It simply means, we show love by loving what our lover loves. We must not be lover of self more than lover of God. By doing His will, we show that we love him. It's no pretence to genuinely be interested in what she values and in what matters to him. It's simply you making a strong statement that "I prioritise you, and I value what you value...

There are three dimensions to love; three sides to love we must attain for a lifelong union. The first is to love with our heart, second is to love with our soul and the third is to love with our strength. Many times, we either love at one dimension or at most two dimensions instead of the whole three dimensions which is the perfect love.  The first step of love is with our heart, it's love at feelings stage (emotions). If desired, it transcend to loving with our mind and will, that's where commitment sets in (we find reasons to love on) and the last leg of love is loving with our strength (supporting our professed love with lifelong actions), where we spend our effort, time, strength, money on/for same person.  True and perfect love will not give up at the first or second stage, it would always love on. Loving at these three dimensions may be costly, but the rewards and benefits are lifelong. We are truine being, we are a spirit, that has a soul and lives in a body, as such, ...

You are first an individual before you became or will become a couple. It's the value you place on yourself that you would bring to the union. I remembered, everything I desired as a teen and single are my realities as a grown married woman.  I remembered saying no to almost all the men that came my way then, because there were some values I desired of my man. I simply desired it and I evidently got the same. I desired to be a leading author so badly and I am living the life now.  I was close to dropping out of school at first degree, with no single hope of sponsorship. I simply just desired and my desire birth a miracle of scholarship, in my wildest imagination could not have pictured. Yet, I got it because I desired it. The secret for mostly everything I got and experienced in life is my desire.  I had long desired to be a counselor even without studying psychology, and opportunities for it found me or I would say I found it. Our desire always set the stage for our real...

It would forever take the egg and the sperm to make a baby, just so the man and the woman does not outgrow themselves. It would take a father and mother to be called a parent, a man and a woman to be a couple. No one person can be married or called a husband and wife, it takes two to tango. Life is too short not to enjoy the gift of life with the people in your life, also life is too long not to see who to hold hands with. Life is the people. Life is love, life is the memories, and life is the bond shared. Let's not only breathe in the air, let's breathe in all the love we can give and get. Let's breathe in all the breathtaking people in our lives and world. Let the you glow with others. We can't live life alone or do it all by oneself, we need the other person and other people. The true beauty of life are the people who share it with. No one should downplay the gift of others. Even the beauty of Christmas is the giving, sharing, visiting and the bonding with others. It...

 Little things are significant, especially when done consistently. Little act of kindness, kind words, kind visit, kind call, little gift, little smiles, discreet prayers, and simple text messages has the most lasting impact on relationships than the big gift we never give, and the big vacation we are too busy to plan.  Many wait for big wins, ignoring little wins which are the sweetest, longest, and the quickest way that sum up to big wins. Just as mustard seed looks tiny, yet when mixed with actions of planting, brings the tallest tree. Likewise our small gesture of love and kindness, will yield big results and emotions.  Nothing is too small to give or too little to do. Any small thing done in love and with love turns big in the heart of the significant other. Love is a big word and act, so anything done in the spirit of love multiples and return back with seeds, fruits and trees.  The idea is that big things often takes more time, money and effort for it to happe...

The word "forgiveness" is a commonly used and heard word, but less practiced. Yet for any relationship to flourish, we must be willing to forgive the same person repeatedly. We hurt oneself, how much more will others not hurt us? Hence we must be ready to practice the three arm of Forgiveness. The first arm is to allow oneself to receive and enjoy forgiveness from God. Many people still hold themselves hostage for the very sin God has forgiven long time ago. What we don't know how to receive, we can't know how to give others. The principle is that, there is nothing we have to give that we didn't receive and if we don't know how to receive forgiveness from God, then we won't know how to give forgiveness to men. We must be able to transcend beyond self-forgiveness to being able to forgive others. Many of those who struggle forgiving others are mostly not capable of forgiving themselves. If you can forgive yourself of any wrong or mistake you commit, it would...

Confession is powerful, negative or positive. Meanwhile, Confession should not only be limited to declaration of wrongs, crimes, sins or transgression. You can as well openly confess to the world how much you love your spouse. You can confess to your partner how much you can't do without him/her in it's truest sense. Confess to your children how your world is centered around their mum or dad and how having them is more than a blessing too. Though, your partner may already know some of this confessions, it would be so reassuring for you to boldly declare it and unashamedly say it in the witness of one, two or more people. Other times, your partner doesn't even know, it would be so empowering to clear his/her doubts about your love, shatter his/her ignorance that you do not care and cripple any channel for finding you an alternative. Many times, my husband gives our children very awesome name, we would often call our daughter "Sweet crush" and "Golden star...

One would do a medical check up to understand one's state of health. At other times, we check up our account balance to make some financial decisions. We need to always conduct an intention check on our spouses and any form of relationships. This would prevent a lot of misunderstanding, conflict, distrust, disagreement, misjudging, jealousy one might likely be facing.  The solution to some wrong patterns and deeds of our partner sometimes, is to understand why they did it and that would help us to know what to do to help. Intention check is not a way to justify people's wrong, it's just a way to remain human, show empathy, express emotional intelligence and make our relationship lifelong. There was a day I was having a conversation with my husband and I said something that he misunderstood. It pained me so much and I thought to myself, if he had listened to the motives behind those words, and tuned his mind to my intentions. He would have seen, I was talking and acting in t...

 Husbands and wives interchanging and intersecting roles and responsibilities is Partner supporting Partner. The new ideology called women supporting women and men supporting men is touching. It is a honorable mindset for partner to support partner.  There are billion reasons to do this, because this is one person you are forever tied with and it would be in your best interest to watch his/her back. Husbands, It's not enough to provide her daily needs, you need to support her dreams, vision and make her goals realisable. Wives, it's not enough to be home makers, you need to be spiritually, emotionally and financially available and supportive, as physical availability is not enough. We need to make his leadership and kingship an easy and a fulfilling journey for him and us. Let's learn to do more, and beyond what society, culture and religion expect from us. Let's act in the interest of both parties. We would forever be greater than I, both in quantity and in quality, as...

If you are not already in a relationship, don't rush in, and if you already in, don't rush out. There is nothing new under the sun. Even The Heavens had a touch of earth in it, when one of the angel wanted to be like God. No matter how heaven on earth our relationship or marriage is, it would have a touch of earth in it and we should never see situations as absurd as long as it's not life threatening or abnormal.  You will agree with me that the way we perceive situations are different and sometimes not the exact way they are in reality. There are some perceptions error at play most times, which means that we should not rush to conclude on our partner, and not rush out of what is already working or will eventually work.  Let's learn to give it our best, and be open to see the 360 degree angle to that matter and situation. Also let's endeavor to give him/her a hundred percent chance to work things out. Be very sure that when you want to walk out of it, that nothing e...

It is risky to let the most important person in your life feel less important. Their place should not be replaceable nor competitive. Family are what and who would be left when others have gone, so don't downplay their position.  Many are alone and lonely today because they do not have a good balance and right placement of knowing where people, things and activities belong. Some are suffering from the wrong application or  none application of this principle. We should learn the balance in prioritizing people over things, activities, places and positions. Our Needs should be separated from our wants.  In Abraham Maslow's Hierarchy of needs, need for family, friendship, and connection to others comes third after you have food, shelter and  feel safe. It's a need and not just a need to come last, rather should come first, as long as we are physically safe. We should seek work-Life balance as well as We should always come before I, because two is greater than one. #Famil...

One thing to do in order to oil and m oisturise our relationship is to always find a perfect moment to make a strong point. When your partner is weak of any sort (physical, financial, mental), you can show up your strength for him/her at such time, because it's such moment that he places his highest value on strength and that is not the time to deny him such.  When your partner offends you in an unimaginable way, such is the perfect time for you to find it in you to forgive. At such times, she think she is underserving of your forgiveness and if you truly can brace up and bring yourself up to it, you have made the strongest of point. Meaning he might never be able to recover from that kindness, by holding you far too dear.  True love is only known when it's the hardest to show, and known in the most difficult moments and not the rosy times we all think we love. The test of love can only be passed when you find it the hardest to love, yet you love anyways. it's when it cost ...

As simple and insignificant a waiter's or a cleaner's job may appear in the work place, the need for them can not be ignored. It is because they serve a need and a purpose that makes them "a can't do without". There was a time I had an 8am class to lecture, the class was on hold for the cleaner to do her job, which took almost 30 mins of my lecture time, yet I can't help not to. In order to be recognised, respected and relevant in our relationships and marriage, our presence must be serving a need and purpose. No one should occupy space for nothing. No one want to lose any part of their body, either seen or unseen, little or big. The reason is because every part of the body has a function they serve, even to the toes and fingers. Also, you would be respected and cherished when you serve a function or a purpose in the other person's lives. Has anyone ever being in a situation that you wish you had a longer nails? Because it has its importance and when the n...

DIFFERENCE is an addition. No matter the similarity you share with your partner, there would always be difference between you too. So don't expect all similarities and no difference. The law of creation pattern after the law of difference. Though He made us all in his image and likeness, yet He made us Male and Female. Though we are joint Heir with Christ, He told one to love and the other to submit (difference). He made one from the dust and the other from the rib, though we are both human. Whoever you end up with, you must sure learn to enjoy your differences. Your likes, dislike, hobbies, favourite place, values, personal culture, and more will be different, no matter how similar they seems. You need not to work yourself out trying to make another person be like you or do your thing. As long as there is a meeting point, make do with it and learn to enjoy the difference.  You should be able to accept the fact that though your children look alike, they are not the same. They are d...

If you don't want to be replaced, then you have to be rightly placed. The Gap you refuse to fill, another would soon fill up the space. There are no vacum in life.  In marriage, if you stop being the best friend to your spouse, another would (even opposite sex). In parenting, if you won't give a listening ear, and be a true support system to your children, their peers would soon be that support. I had some friends at the time, we were extremely close, but distance created a gap. We innocently refused to bridge the gap with a call, text, chat, voice note, or anything. At some point, we struggled to get back to what we were before, even though the interest was there. I had another friend, we haven't seen in 6 years, yet there was a deposit however little. She either check my status (a silent way of check up), or like my post or I send a voice note or pictures. We did something. And the time we saw, no one would believe we have been ways apar...

It's only natural to look after oneself first,  but one can build a nurture that look beyond self and look towards others. There is no one you genuinely put first, that won't put you first. Even God is not an exception of this rule. When He said "Seek first His Kingdom, and everything other thing He would add to you. The key to abundance, overflow, and lacking nothing is to put others first. When you have a pressing need, still consider its cost for others. When you are asked to go a mile, you can go twain.  Every act of service would not go unrewarded, maybe not directly from the expected, but it sure would be. The law of seed and harvest time is as certain as the law of morning and night. Have you even being asked a question or a favour and you answered or acted in favour of the other person. And with delight, the person reward you more greatly than he would, if you had being self conscious all the way ? If you are alone in the house, there is a way you would behave, tha...

The cheapest way to get who and what you want is to be like that person or thing. Likes will always attract likes. You want a faithful woman as a partner, then be faithful, and in no time the faithful man will find you.  You want your wife to be submissive, then submit in a manly way, she won't know when she will begin to yield to you at will. God was drawn to man in the garden of Eden because, only man was made in the likeness and image of God. Why we struggle to get what we want, or what we want people we love to be is because we are far from what we want and expect from others. Imagine a woman who respect her man, she would never be disrespectful by the man, because disrespect will be strange to him. Sometimes, when I want my daughter to do something, I don't even say it in words. I act it and before I know it, she act alongside with me. Even without the use of words, you can get someone to do something, simply by doing it. Before you ask others to do anything or be anything...

To be irreplaceable, you must bring something of worth to the table when you are in a place or with someone. We call some people irreplaceable because they are value adding people, they earned it and not just a mere adjective. This law simply says each person should contribute something valuable to another, in order to be and stay relevant and also to moisturise their relationship. Let no one be of the habit of taking, receiving, getting, collecting and never giving. The sea that did, without any exchange became a dead sea. Any relationship or marriage that does not fulfil this law, will put a strain on their relationship. It's either the person loses his/her value, because something must leave your hand for you to earn something. There is no free meal at all, even the person who showered you all the love, want to be loved back.  The reason that union is not working or will not work is because there is no exchange. So take corrective measures by starting where you are and with the ...

There is peculiarity in everything in life. One must not make the mistake of treating people, and situations as though they are the same. Some generalize that men are unfaithful, while some others concludes that women are lovers of money.  In order to have a beautiful relationship and marriage, one must treat his/her partner different from the general opinion and should handle situations from their unique standpoint. An instance, you see a strange message on your partner's phone, it would be immature of you to immediately assume  anything when you haven't even asked him or her or thoroughly give the situation a thought.  It would be unfair for you to think the way your neighbor husband is, is the way your husband too, simply because they share some similarity in traits or behavior, which has not being proven true. We should learn to play the right card in our relationship, just like how we play it in WHOT game. We know just when to drop pick two, pick five, general market...

 To be loved back is the simplest thing to achieve, if you would love in the right way. It's not enough "To say I love you", but "To do I love you". There is no one you would truly be attentive to, that won't feel loved, and be motivated to love you back. It's not enough to just see things and hear people, be attentive to details, and listen to what is not shared, and seen. Be deliberate enough to go beneath the surface, be sensitive enough to go the extra miles when you are asked a mile. I have heard people say to me " I didn't even know there is a hole or need inside of me till you filled it", at other times another said "I didn't even know I need it, till you gave it", and amazingly, this people would give the earth just for me, and can make the heaven stand still for my sake. We must give value to be valuable. There is no free meal, and even if there is, it is best for it to be earned than to be given. Be conscious to inve...